Saturday, December 17, 2011

I'm not a pair of combat boots

Yes I said I hate it but there are so many things I am falling for again, and like last time I am teetering on the edge of something high. It's high enough to activate my fear of heights, or the fear of where I might fall.

This nostalgia is starting to be like one of those dreams that start out peaceful and then morph into a nightmare and of course that's when you wake up and the bad is the only part you remember. It's been five years yet I'm falling back into the old pattern of thinking, obsessing over what could have been if I had gone to the big city and shown up on a doorstep wearing my vulnerability like business casual, because that's what's required when you give yourself a sticker price, or at least until you've been broken in from being beaten up long enough and you wear your cracks like they look good.

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