Saturday, September 29, 2012

Pirouettes and Contortions

Loneliness, sadness, et al are so strange. I am alone and yearn for people. I am with people and seek to be alone. 

But then other times I know I am a loner and revel in it.

"Danse Russe"
If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping
and the sun is a flame-white disc
in silken mists
above shining trees,--
if I in my north room
dance naked, grotesquely
before my mirror
waving my shirt round my head
and singing softly to myself:
"I am lonely, lonely.
I was born to be lonely,
I am best so!"
If I admire my arms, my face,
my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
again the yellow drawn shades,--
Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?
-William Carlos Williams

The most grotesque, most naked dance of all is inside.

tired tired fingers won't type full sentences so fragments they shall be

i astound, myself: thinking i fall in love with everything; have the capacity to constantly fall fall fall fall in love but now i think, everything i love is something i loved as a little girl. everything i love i used to love. everything that i love i fell for as a child. love is not new; it is not discovered. love is remembering. uncovering what it was you captured with tenderness as a child

nobody dare tell me chasing beauty is frivolous and not worthwhile. what is frivolous about pain? beauty=pain; if you don't believe, look at mcqueen, etc. any great work and tell me i'm not right; there is pain in everything lovely; even childhood bliss is not without pain-time passes so fast, and afterall its just a manmade conception, like chair, or apple-it may as well not exist; instead there is flatness, and what once was will always be; so the child grows and there it is again; pain

inspiration=energy; excitement; that is all
two kinds: 1. that ^ feeling; 2. pretty and worthwhile great things to show others to simulate 1.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Winter, I Love You

I really miss true winter. When waking up is like stumbling into a frost that is just delicious. Wriggling the cold from your toes as your fingers wrap around a steaming mug.  Trying in vain to warm your insides with hearty breakfast while your nose, pink and numb, has other ideas, like staying frozen. 

Please, please, please let me get a real winter this year.