Monday, May 16, 2011

it's cold today

image source: prism cell

what i'd really like is to crawl into a picture. venture to the other side of what is in front of me and be what i see.

image source: 8luemoon
classes are over. i've been dreaming of this state of disconnect for a while now, ironically counting down the days until the emancipation of time, the moment when this perceived antagonist is released back into the universe, loose now, unassigned to anything but free to transpire naturally. now that i am actually here, the pool of time that i imagined would swallow the world around me feels more like a bathtub, complete with all of the confinement but none of the playfulness. i suspect it is the weather that has me tied up in this strangest of moods. contrary to what my mother thinks from looking at me, i am happy. it's just my consciousness is permeated with flecks of sadness, and my struggle to trace its source has found no justification. i have no reason to be sad. i am so lucky. i was thinking this the other day and only wish i could carry the thought with me always, never losing the comfort and the wisdom that it radiates. this must be the trick to making us impermeable to the cloudburst. or maybe the solution is to find no fault with the inevitable odd day and follow the advice i came upon recently, which is to embrace the whole of the human experience, good, and bad. although i guess within this line of thinking, there is no bad. even that which we strive to avoidflaws, mistakes, pain, sorrowis only natural.

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